Slight mental breakdown....

Hello my friends! So, today was an okay day until about 3:30pm and then there was a slight mental breakdown. It's mostly my fault, but that didn't stop me from calling my husband and yelling at him.

Let me preface by saying, I love my husband, I love my children, but I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. It's been wonderful to be home, but I can definitely tell that I am ready to go back to work. This has been my hardest maternity leave and I think there are a lot of factors; first, Hayden is still in diapers and running headlong into his "terrible twos." He's darling and so sweet, but if he's unhappy, he will let you know it. He always wants to do things himself, which generally involves a bigger mess and three times as long to complete a task than it would normally take; he definitely gets a little jealous of Jake and lately I have to watch really close because if I'm holding Jake to feed him or whatever and Hayden wants to sit with me, he will throw things (toys, cell phones, sippy cups) at Jake until I pick him up and hold him too. Jax is bigger, but wants a lot of attention too. He's also 5 going on 20 and thinks he can do whatever he wants, so sometimes we argue. Mostly he's a big help, but just like typical brothers they fight and just like a typical big brother, Jax LOVES to torment Hayden. Lastly, some of you may know, some of you may not but Kaitlyn is getting worse. She's on oxygen at night now and yesterday she had scans done and they've discovered a large mass pushing against the wall of her right lung which is very painful for her and makes it even harder for her to breathe. It's a lot going on and after being home all day, Shane gets home and it just seems like there's even more activity and noise and before I know it, it's midnight and I'm putting Jake down and we're going to bed and morning comes too fast and Shane leaves for work and I'm home by myself again. Luckily for me, Shane realizes that I need a break when he gets home so I usually have at least a half hour to myself that I can lock myself in our room or take a shower or go to the store or whatever. We talked about it a little more tonight and agreed that we need to do better about that so I'm going to find a class of some sort at Robert's to take once a week and then on Saturdays I'm going to take a swim class with Hayden for a few weeks.
Okay, long preface I know; longer than the story!

Story goes like this: Occasionally I'm naughty and leave my keys in the van. Usually just when I know I'm going to be back in the van shortly. Yesterday was one such a day, only I didn't leave again when I thought I would. So Shane ended up taking the van to run an errand last night and he took his keys. When he got home, he naturally locked the van......and by doing so locked my keys in.
I had decided today that after I picked Shannon up from school, I was going to go over to work and visit all my friends and introduce them to Baby Jake. I got all of us ready, put the baby in the carseat, made sure everybody had shoes on and shepherded them towards the door. With Baby in one hand, I started to look around for my keys......and they were no where to be found! Needless to say, I was manic, then realizing what had happened, I called Shane, yelled at him, made him call his mother to go pick up Shannon and then sat in the chair rocking Jake, quietly seething until Shane got home. By then, I had calmed down, we fixed dinner, talked and ate with the kids. Immediately following dinner I went to Lowes to have extra keys made!!

But the lesson learned (other than take your keys out of the car EVERY TIME) was, I am not SuperWoman, I am just a mom and occasionally I need a break and that's okay. The important part is to remember to take the breaks regularly so I don't have these slight mental breakdowns........

Goodnight my friends, and remember: no one is perfect, no one can do it all. Take care of yourself, because if you don't, how can you take care of anyone else??
Love you all!